December 8
The Ugly Truth
Who are we to discover truth? Something that lays within us, most of us don’t even know. I want to open someones mind to the beauty inside and outside of us. Some just see the road ahead, others see all around us. But do any of us see what lays within it? I try so hard to have as many answers as possible, it’s something I may never have. Though I have slowly come to see that most of my unsolved enigmas lay within myself. I want to tell you I have had the happiest life and I am all that I am. I am grateful for this gift. Guess I should never end that with ‘but’ if then I did. To me, life has looked a little cloudy lately. The rain falls on me, yet it always pours. I love it though. I can’t say that I always hate the gloomy days, since they are the ones that usually teach me the most. And that is why we are here right? To learn something? Well I believe so, and believing so that I have learneda lot. If someone ever needed advice, I can guarantee I could talk to you down to the very last wire. I’ve been here to learn, yet also teach and I’m ready for that now. Maybe I should be a psychiatrist. Maybe I am meant to give people their greater hope in life. It is not always easy to see through the clouds, but just know that sometimes through the clouds we discover something brighter.
To find a place to live and live descently, would be the greatest thing ever. It seems almost impossible to keep hopeful these days. Living out of a suit case and crying in someone elses bathroom every night isn’t really what I had imagined for myself when I moved out here. To make me a promise, persuade me to do something good for myself, and then leave me high and dry. You want an explaination for my actions, well here is the first one: I live out of my suit case. Dare to put yourself in my position. Not having anybody to help you and still trying to make your life peaceful. To have your own space, it is truly taken for granted. To have your own bed, your own bathroom, closet, droors, ROOM for that matter. Where is my life even going? I’m working my ass of to become a nothing. I go to school every single day and then from there, work. School, work, school, work, school, work. All to add up to a depressing life. I miss having my own bed. I would give up eating for a bed of my own. I would give my left leg to have my own place right now. I would give anything to have some type of answer for myself. As to where I’m going and how i’m getting there and just when I’m arriving. It would be an absolute treasurable moment. I’ve stopped praying, and I don’t give TWO SHITS what people say about there not being something greater then us. Whether it’s god or something more infinate, It’s there. And it’s watching and listening. And I name it god. From this day on I’m praying until i’m answered, and answered I will be. When you need help, sometimes you need to be vulnerable and ask for that help. Put yourself out there. I’m deteriorating here. I’m becoming nominal life. A prominent person who has degressed into something tragic. We don’t always have answers to solve our problems, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to solve them. I can’t let my life slip inbetween my fingures. I have the power to change that, and changing that I shall do. If no one else want’s to help me, or “can’t” help me. Then i’ll find a way to do it myself. With that in mind, the next post I write shall be one of progress because my life is truely changing for the better. I’ve discovered too much beauty for it to become the ugly.
